Oh my goodness, what a brilliant read this was! 😅 I ended up here through reading so many different newsletters, a kind of deep diving into substack to distract me from my own flat mood thats been with me since I woke up this morning. Trying to convince myself I was still trying to be positive etc etc. I did not think I would be crying with laughter at the image of someone being on all fours smelling cat poop, the ear bud part had me doubled over, that silent shoulder shaking kinda laugh 🙏😅
OH. I laughed out loud when I read about your lost and found earplug. I saw myself in your description. Isn't it a wonderful thing to be able to find the humor in ourselves, and the ways we live? Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I love this post.
You're writing what people are thinking; some (me) too repressed and introverted to let leak out. So many phrases and memories run through my head - a book from the 80s, 'If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?' the cat shit reminiscence reminding me of one of the worse days of my life when I walked outside and sat on a bench and stared at the trees across a long, flat field. If I'd been capable of thinking, I would have marvelled that the world could go on as if nothing had changed. Numb. A pheasant put up by something, I don't know, maybe a dog, clattered into the sky. Misjudged it. Slammed headfirst into the wooden fence and died. More and more, life feels like the ocean. One day floating, sometimes swimming, sometimes holding breath as rough waves batter us under. Maybe we can't see the other people floating alongside, hidden by waves, but they're there. And no-one reading you would feel anything but admiration for your emotional honesty.
Thank you for your and humor and honesty. Your post made me laugh (especially the cat poop part!) and reminded me of how my own mishaps often shape my days. Sometimes, life is just funny! Cheers to you as you navigate your way through it. xx
"feeling the fear, doing nothing, then feeling the fear again" - you're absolutely right, sometimes this is this best work you can do! Thank you for keeping on digging deep and sharing the truth in the muck
You are not alone, Katy. I am sorry I haven't managed to get beyond clicking from my emails into Substack to comment before, as your posts very much resonate with my own departure from the world of publishing and trying to carve out a writing life. Like you, my PJs are the best thing I own :-) Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. You have no idea how much your posts are helping me and how I am finding many similarities to my own experience. And I am sorry about the cat poo - even though it did make me laugh. That is shit. Lots of love xx
We grow through the pain ma’am. A good friend of mine reminded me once that the negative emotions we often neglect have a purpose too. If we try to rid ourselves from these demonized emotions, perhaps we are ignoring a fundamental aspect of what it means to be human: the experience of emotions.
It takes courage to sit in those low places and accept the pain. And it takes just as much courage to allow yourself to feel the divinity of joy that waxes and wanes as does the moon and her glinted body.
Thank you for sharing. I am not alone. And neither are you.
This was such a raw and genuine post. You are not alone in these things- I have cried out with conviction “The universe f**king hates me!” The fact that you can see humor in it all is your hope, and may your incredibly creative and fine mind be your salvation. Thank you for sharing.
OMG I think you are living in my life ...pjamas, floorrobe, lost and found, self care - yes I have come to a similar place although mine has contained lots of fuck yous about a system that makes us feel as if we are problems. I was thinking this morning about exercise and how we are guilted into someone else's idea about what that should look like when everything in my body is shrieking lie down and rest. And actually science is gradually supporting this - there is too much trauma for my body to process without forcing it into some sort of boot camp shit. It makes me feel incredibly sad to see how we don't trust ourselves - we have been so conditioned to believe others as right when they have no access to what it is like inside our body.
Just a word about psychosis from someone who has been there done that and gradually swum back up out of the terrible mess the medications make of us, it has been the way my body tried to communicate what I had been repressing, it was frightening to observers who didn't understand what was happening but my internal experience wasn't frightening and people who were interested in helping me make sense of what was happening to me rather than subduing it would have been very helpful. Mad in America offers other narratives than the traditional western approach as well as research about evidence not generally published by mainstream.
Thank you for your joyous honesty - I no longer feel so solitary in my messiness.. there are others who can articulate the authenticity of this.
Thanks for actually putting what I have been feeling into words your past two articles. I have gone through some small and big mucks lately. I’m now seeing the light of the end of the tunnel of a big muck (I sadly don’t think I have--however, I see the physical walls of the opening themselves). I’m just taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, day to day, week by week, month by month, and year to year. All I can do. Also, being kinder to myself.
Oh my goodness, what a brilliant read this was! 😅 I ended up here through reading so many different newsletters, a kind of deep diving into substack to distract me from my own flat mood thats been with me since I woke up this morning. Trying to convince myself I was still trying to be positive etc etc. I did not think I would be crying with laughter at the image of someone being on all fours smelling cat poop, the ear bud part had me doubled over, that silent shoulder shaking kinda laugh 🙏😅
here's to the muck and the madness, friend. xo
OH. I laughed out loud when I read about your lost and found earplug. I saw myself in your description. Isn't it a wonderful thing to be able to find the humor in ourselves, and the ways we live? Thank you for sharing so vulnerably. I love this post.
You're writing what people are thinking; some (me) too repressed and introverted to let leak out. So many phrases and memories run through my head - a book from the 80s, 'If life is a bowl of cherries, what am I doing in the pits?' the cat shit reminiscence reminding me of one of the worse days of my life when I walked outside and sat on a bench and stared at the trees across a long, flat field. If I'd been capable of thinking, I would have marvelled that the world could go on as if nothing had changed. Numb. A pheasant put up by something, I don't know, maybe a dog, clattered into the sky. Misjudged it. Slammed headfirst into the wooden fence and died. More and more, life feels like the ocean. One day floating, sometimes swimming, sometimes holding breath as rough waves batter us under. Maybe we can't see the other people floating alongside, hidden by waves, but they're there. And no-one reading you would feel anything but admiration for your emotional honesty.
Thank you for your and humor and honesty. Your post made me laugh (especially the cat poop part!) and reminded me of how my own mishaps often shape my days. Sometimes, life is just funny! Cheers to you as you navigate your way through it. xx
"feeling the fear, doing nothing, then feeling the fear again" - you're absolutely right, sometimes this is this best work you can do! Thank you for keeping on digging deep and sharing the truth in the muck
I have so had moments like this! Thank you for being vulnerable and honest. This is an inspiring post that reminds us we are not alone ❤️
You are not alone, Katy. I am sorry I haven't managed to get beyond clicking from my emails into Substack to comment before, as your posts very much resonate with my own departure from the world of publishing and trying to carve out a writing life. Like you, my PJs are the best thing I own :-) Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. You have no idea how much your posts are helping me and how I am finding many similarities to my own experience. And I am sorry about the cat poo - even though it did make me laugh. That is shit. Lots of love xx
So much strength and grace you show in this redefinition of the self 🔥 thanks you for sharing !
We grow through the pain ma’am. A good friend of mine reminded me once that the negative emotions we often neglect have a purpose too. If we try to rid ourselves from these demonized emotions, perhaps we are ignoring a fundamental aspect of what it means to be human: the experience of emotions.
It takes courage to sit in those low places and accept the pain. And it takes just as much courage to allow yourself to feel the divinity of joy that waxes and wanes as does the moon and her glinted body.
Thank you for sharing. I am not alone. And neither are you.
Good to see you here, Katy. I think we arrived at a similar time… hope the ear plug turns up.
This was such a raw and genuine post. You are not alone in these things- I have cried out with conviction “The universe f**king hates me!” The fact that you can see humor in it all is your hope, and may your incredibly creative and fine mind be your salvation. Thank you for sharing.
OMG I think you are living in my life ...pjamas, floorrobe, lost and found, self care - yes I have come to a similar place although mine has contained lots of fuck yous about a system that makes us feel as if we are problems. I was thinking this morning about exercise and how we are guilted into someone else's idea about what that should look like when everything in my body is shrieking lie down and rest. And actually science is gradually supporting this - there is too much trauma for my body to process without forcing it into some sort of boot camp shit. It makes me feel incredibly sad to see how we don't trust ourselves - we have been so conditioned to believe others as right when they have no access to what it is like inside our body.
Just a word about psychosis from someone who has been there done that and gradually swum back up out of the terrible mess the medications make of us, it has been the way my body tried to communicate what I had been repressing, it was frightening to observers who didn't understand what was happening but my internal experience wasn't frightening and people who were interested in helping me make sense of what was happening to me rather than subduing it would have been very helpful. Mad in America offers other narratives than the traditional western approach as well as research about evidence not generally published by mainstream.
Thank you for your joyous honesty - I no longer feel so solitary in my messiness.. there are others who can articulate the authenticity of this.
Bloody brilliant piece of writing .. authentic, vulnerable, humorous.. thank you
Thanks for actually putting what I have been feeling into words your past two articles. I have gone through some small and big mucks lately. I’m now seeing the light of the end of the tunnel of a big muck (I sadly don’t think I have--however, I see the physical walls of the opening themselves). I’m just taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, day to day, week by week, month by month, and year to year. All I can do. Also, being kinder to myself.
❤️